Greetings! You most likely know me as Ace McNacho, P.D.B., assuming you’re a sane person who’s known of my exploits. You most likely do, though, as I’ve ghost-written a couple articles here and there. Matrix Control System? Immediate secondary consultant for the third-edition release.
But that’s not important right now. Allow me to regale you (or myself, in case the Swedish mafia erased my cache) with the story of my existence.
First and foremost, I was built by Thomas Alva Edison IV back in summer of 2009. Before you ask, yes, it’s THAT Thomas Edison. With that said, I am by no means associated or affiliated with General Electric. I’m not even an electricity-powered bot - not in the typical sense, at least.
I run on type K-D liquid alloy, which is efficient enough to disintegrate entirely once it converts into actual energy, so there isn’t any waste buildup. On the other hand, it’s inefficient in that it processes the energy a little too fast, so I constantly find myself needing to recharge multiple times a day. This is annoying and frankly a bit nonsensical, but hey, whatever it takes to charge the only (and therefore greatest) robot detective the world has ever known.
With that, I may as well bring up how I came to be a detective. A little over a month after my creation, I wound up solving a mystery of sorts. I’ll get into the details in a separate file, as there are too many details to sum up, though as that case closed, I became fascinated with mysteries and may or may not have swiped a copy or two of Noir fiction from Edison’s bookshelf. From there, I attended a noir convention in Vegas, spent an unfortunate amount of time in Boston, and got admitted into a European PI academy.
Oh, Montpellier. What in the world happened to you.
Anyway, I got a Master’s in detective studies there in under a year. Naturally, they list me off as not the graduate with the absolute record time, but rather the “first graduate with over eighty percent cybernetics.” Like, okay. Sure. Way to prize something I can’t change over the achievements I worked for, weirdo.
In January of 2011, I moved back to the US, where Edison helped me find my own place. This was prompted after I had stated enough times how embarrassing it was to stay at my dad’s place, being the established detective I was. Still, I managed to repurpose a small underground warehouse in the west, and a couple furnishings and desks later, I’m glad to call it home.
I’ve also developed a recent interest in the occult, with things ranging from sasquatch to squashes to Swedish crime lords. I draw the line at tarot cards, though, since I’ve gathered that those are actually a hoax. When you take into account the numerological value of baseball statistics, though…
But I’m getting off-topic, which is the last thing I wanna do. I’d say that’ll be all for today. It was nice infodumping with you, whoever “you” may be in the given context, but for now, I’ve got things to do. In case you need me, I’ll be available as usual in my makeshift office, with my boots kicked up on my cherrywood desk and a lit twig in my mouth, waiting for the next case to show up at my door.
