Who is this Castilles Guy, Anyway?

 Okay, well… update to the whole Jetset case thing. Not an update to the case, just… to the end of it.

You remember how at the end I mentioned hearing footsteps in my foyer? How I thought it was a new client, with a brand new, exciting case in store for me? 

You remember that? Good. 

Now, to sidetrack for a brief moment, you want to know something that I really hate? Something that just gets on my nerves? Pun unintended, but something that really grinds my gears?

Surprises. 

Ironic, considering I’m a detective, but I typically hate surprises when they’re not related to a case.

And to get back on track, you want to know what the robot in my foyer was?

A surprise.

He wasn’t here for a case, no, no… he’s my roommate. 

Yes, you read that correctly. My roommate! That Edison just… didn’t tell me about! He just thought “oh, hey, I bet Ace won’t mind if I give him a roommate without asking him if he wants one!”

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!

I’m sorry. I just… need to vent. I really need to vent. Oh, and it doesn’t help that this Castilles weirdo is a freakin’ moron! He trips down the stairs, like, every time he goes down them!

HE JUST TRIPPED DOWN THEM WHEN I WROTE THAT!

WHY IS HE LIKE THIS? WHY IS HE MY ROOMMATE? WHY DID EDISON AGREE TO THIS? WHY DIDN’T I GET A SAY IN THIS?

WHY?

…

Sorry. I… I really needed to vent. Really really. As I rant, I realize I should probably provide… some context as to why this stair-tripping moronic weirdo bot is my… ergh, roommate.

Excuse the bursts of anger that are inevitable to follow.

It seems that Castilles’ inventor, Adelpha Kostakis, is good friends with my inventor, Edison (Thomas Edison IV, if we want to be specific). They met years and years ago at some inventor meetup or something. I don’t really know the specifics, but they’re surprisingly good friends for someone I’ve never heard Edison talk about once. (Sidenote: perhaps something I should look into at some point?)

A month or so ago Adelpha had built my new… roomie, Castilles, and had been keeping him in this old airplane hanger she owns. However, she felt that he was too cooped up there, and wanted to put him somewhere else to “spread his wings,” or something cheesy along those lines. 

And, where did she decide to put her darling little robot? In my house. Without asking me. She asked Edison, but did she ask me? 

No.

Did Edison ask me if I even wanted a roommate?

No!

AAAAAARRRRGGH!! 

… 

Sorry. Again, needing to vent.

You know what? I think you need a better example. To help express my frustration at living with a complete and utter imbecile, here’s a conversation I had with him just a few hours ago.

Prepare yourself.

*****

ACE. Begin transmission. This investigation has now begun. This is being recorded. Anything you say can and will be used against you, so try and keep it civilized.

CASTILLES. Huh? What are you talking about?

ACE. Silence, for like two seconds, and get a grip. So, firstly, tell us a bit about yourself.

CASTILLES. Oh! Well, um, my name is Castilles, but you can call me Cast if you want, since Castilles is sort of a mouthful. I like-

ACE. Excellent. Now, why are you here?

CASTILLES. But- uh… I was just sent here to-

ACE. And on whose orders?

CASTILLES. Adelpha’s! I thought I told you this!

ACE. Right. And who exactly is this… Adelpha?

CASTILLES. My… upkeeper? I don’t-

ACE. Why did she send you here then? Hm? What reasons would she have to send you here?

CASTILLES. Didn’t you already-

ACE. Can you answer the questions, Castilles?

CASTILLES. Wh- you keep cutting me off! How can I answer them if-

ACE. Great. This has been a lovely waste of time. Thank you, Castilles, for nothing. End of transmission.

CASTILLES. Wha- but you didn’t- I didn’t even- what?! Ace, you didn’t even let me-

*****

There. Do you see my point? He’s an idiot. A complete and utter moron. Couldn’t even answer questions properly. He’s useless. Dead weight. Stupid. Dumb. Too tall for my liking. And I don’t like him. At all.

… 

Maybe I’m being too harsh. I dunno. I still just… don’t like the idea of having… uhg, a roommate. I just wish I had a say in the whole thing, y’know? Maybe I’ll warm up to him at some point, but for now? I really hope he leaves soon.

Like, soon, soon.

Case closed.

The Case of Tony Jetset

 

There I was, sitting in my office on a rainy summer day, all the children inside, waiting for the clouds to go away and come again another day. Rain or shine, I however would wait there in my office for my next case to show up at my door- and show up it certainly did! 

The day took an interesting turn when a woman by the name of Riccarda Romano appeared at my door and informed me of a missing persons case- or, should I say, missing robot case. 

Missing robots case? Robot? Robots? Whatever. Either way, fashion model Tony Jetset had disappeared under mysterious circumstances, and I was Riccarda’s last hope. 

Wasting no time, I quickly departed with Riccarda, joined for better or for worse by my friend and utterly infuriating neighbor, DANT-1C. We headed to local Limbersdale diner “Chow ‘n’ Charge,” (clever, I know) where we met with Jetset’s manager, Noah Davis. There, he recounted to me his final conversation with Jetset before his disappearance.

Davis had asked him to do a photoshoot next week, and Jetset had seemed rushed, as if he had better things to be doing. It didn’t help that Davis said he called Jetset directly, rather than calling his agency. 

To make matters even more confusing, we encountered a waitress at the diner named Judy Jasmin, who just so happened to have met Jetset, and mentioned how he was getting a charge before some kind of flight.

It’s lucky I guessed Judy would have valuable information, because it was the last piece of this tricky little puzzle that I needed. I’m good with people, like that.

With everything sorted out, I gathered each of the suspects together, and promptly explained to them the truth behind Jetset’s disappearance, while Dant sat idly by, being as useless as he usually is. It seems that rather than a sinister fan taking him captive, or any other kind of kidnapping, Tony Jetset’s disappearance was merely… a miscommunication. 

Anticlimactic, I know. 

It appears when scheduling his next shoot with Mr. Davis, Jetset had booked a week-long vacation to Puerto Rico, and believed his shoot with Davis to be on the week he got back, rather than the current week. 

Again, incredibly anticlimactic. 

With everything sorted out and the mystery wrapped in a neat little bow, I went with Mr. Davis and Ms. Riccarda back to their office to sort out the rest of the paperwork, while Judy went back to work.

Not my most exciting case, but that’s what you get with a business like this. Besides, I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut things a bit short, as there seems to be someone in my foyer. From the sound of their footsteps and the type of flooring I have installed, it seems to be a robot. 

A new client perhaps? Maybe another case? Preferably one more exciting than a miscommunication? I suppose we’ll find out. Regardless, I’ve said my piece, now you should go find yours in an online forum or something along those lines. 

Case closed.

The Connection Between Gingers and Mind-Control Matrixes

Thanks to Internet culture, humans with naturally red colored hair- “gingers,” if you will, are not portrayed in a good light. They are often mocked, ridiculed. There’s even a national holiday dedicated to kicking them. I believe there may be something more to this. Something deeper… something sinister.

It’s stated in this “meme” that gingers don’t have souls… and what if I told you this was true?

You see, I have reason to believe that gingers are involved in a global conspiracy to overtake the world, using this “meme” as some sort of hypnotic spell. Mind control, if you will. Now, I’m going to-

“Ace! There you are! I hope I am not interrupting anything of importance!”

Wha- Dant! I’m busy! Get out!

“Oh. I see. In that case, I will-”

OUT!

…

Sorry about that. I’m testing out a new audio software to record my cases. Figured it might save a little more time than typing them all out. Don’t particularly like it much, but hey, it’s convenient. Now, back to the topic at hand!

So, my theory is that these soulless entities known as gingers are using this “meme” to garner pity for themselves. If they’re constantly being picked upon by the brunettes and blondes of the world, then by using this “meme” to get people to pity them, they can easily worm their way through society and take over the world! Make every other hair color the lesser color!

But worry not! I quickly uncovered this conspiracy, and I’m here to put a stop to it! To get the word out to the rest of the world! I won’t let these soulless monstrosities take control of the world! Because I’m-

“Ace, please stop. This is outlandish, even for you.”

What- Dant, can’t you see I’m trying to warn the world about the ginger threat?! You’re one of them, aren’t you! They’ve used their soulless, gingery little ways and taken control of you!

“Ace, a quick, well-informed search on the internet would show you that this so-called “ginger uprising” is in fact just a deep cut reference to Season 9, Episode 11 of the animated American television series South Park, in which the episode in question mocks people with red hair. So it is in fact not a ploy to take over the world, but instead a somewhat offensive joke.”

…Get out.

“I was merely trying to-”

OUT!

… 

Well, there you have it, I guess. Choose whatever story you believe (but I think we all know which one is true). Case closed.

… 

Uhg, this is the last time I record one of my cases. Now how the heck do I turn this thing off? Is it this one? No, no. Oh, it’s th-